Colosal Toasts - Some Words to the Wise

Toasts. We all have to give them at some point. Whether it’s an impromptu request at a dinner party or happy hour or a planned event at a wedding or birthday party, these always sound better with a little prior education. Because when you do it right, you own the room.

• It's tempting to turn your moment into a roast. But that's risky. It's always safer to keep your message positive. That's not to say you can't have a little fun, but trying out your standup material isn't a good idea.
• Enunciate, project, and don’t mumble. People want to hear what you have to say.
• And above all, keep it short! No one wants to hear someone drone on. You'll give them flashbacks to their long-winded Intro to Western Civilization professor.

Now that you've got the foundations, here are some toasts to learn and keep in your back pocket for the next time you find yourself with a glass in front of a group.

A one-size-fits-all kind of toast:

I drink to the general joy of the whole table. — From Shakespeare's "Macbeth"

When you want that special someone to know how you really feel:

Give me a thousand kisses, then a hundred, then another thousand, then a second hundred, then yet another thousand, then a hundred. — Catullus

When you're toasting the married couple:

There is nothing nobler or more admirable than when two people who see eye-to-eye keep house as man and wife, confounding their enemies and delighting their friends. — Homer

When you want to wish someone well:

"May you have the hindsight to know where you've been,

The foresight to know where you are going,

And the insight to know when you have gone too far." — Irish proverb

When things went bad…and it was all your fault:

If I, if I have been unkind, I hope that you can just let it go by. If I, if I have been untrue I hope you know it was never to you... But I swear by this song and by all that I have done wrong, I will make it all up to thee. — Leonard Cohen

Learn these and you'll never be caught off-guard. In fact, if you get up there and deliver one of these off the cuff, you'll look so smooth that people will be toasting you.